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It’s Okay to Part Ways

It’s Okay to Part Ways

I’m sorry to be the one who say it to you, but here’s the truth:

You meet people. You will part ways.
Sometimes your paths cross again.
But mostly, you don't.

I am not an introvert. And everyone who hears me when I say I am, they will laugh it out loud.

But if I am not an introvert, than maybe I am a very private person. At least, that could explain why I like hanging out with myself, why I love traveling alone, and why, most importantly, I never attach myself to a certain group of friends. It’s true, I flock from one social group to another, because I don’t like getting too attached to a certain gang. Sure, I have best friends, but they are so diverse and random. I like having one-on-one interaction, hence I have many friends, but they were never in certain clique. So until now, I never know how it feels to be in a ‘friendship gang where you hang out with each other, all the time.

A lot of my high school friends actually still hang out with their close peers. They went to the same university, hang out in the university, get a job at the same place event, and still last their friendships until now. And I admire them. Really, I do.

I don’t know why I never have that kind of interest. In my mind, being in one ‘clique of friends’ will only bring more drama in my life. And I am 100% sure that we will talk behind each other’s backs. Anyway, I am more keen to explore friendships with unlikely fellows, people I encounter from various backgrounds, ages, races, etc. It’s true what people say, when you grow up, your circle will decrease in number, but increase in values. These few ones, we are willing to take a bullet for each other, just because.

Cut Certain Ties or It Will Drown You

Most people say that I look like an arrogant bitch on the first impression. I chuckled every time I hear this. Good. It means my natural selection is working. If they judge anyone merely on the first impression and stop trying to get to know the person, then why would I be interested to befriend them?

People don’t have to tell me that I’m cold. I knew it already. I don’t talk much and when I talk, I rarely talk about my personal life. I just really really like joking, so people mostly think I’m friendly. But they don’t know what happens in my life. And they don’t need to. So for me, it is really easy to cut connections with some people I no longer befriend or cross path. And today, I want to let you know that it is okay to part ways with some people. It’s just how life goes.

Ada sahabat yang harus kita tinggalkan. Ada teman kuliah yang sekarang punya ideologi yang sangat bertentangan dengan kita. Ada sepupu yang dulunya akrab, namun sekarang tinggal ratusan kilometer jauhnya, ada mantan partner bisnis yang kini jadi sales MLM dan tak henti-hentinya mengganggu, atau ada kerabat dekat yang sering meminjam uang untuk urusan-urusan tak masuk akal. Dan kita bisa memilih untuk berpisah jalan.

Every stage of your life requires different friends. And different you.

Selama 6 tahun di SD, aku punya sahabat karib. Oh God, we were inseparable. People say that we’re like twins. 

Lalu ketika kami melanjutkan studi di SMP berbeda, kami berjanji untuk saling menjaga hubungan. Tapi tentu nggak segampang itu. Sejak berpisah sekolah, kami jarang bertemu dan bahkan ngobrol. Kami sibuk dengan kehidupan sendiri-sendiri.

Setelah bertahun-tahun tidak saling sapa, akhirnya kemarin dia mem-follow saya di Instagram. Lalu? Apakah kami janjian untuk saling bertemu dan tukar cerita? Tidak. Karena kami berdua tahu kami tidak punya kesamaan lagi. Saya tak tahu harus bercerita apa padanya, dan begitu juga sebaliknya. We were just best friend in elementary school, we parted ways, and that’s okay, we don’t want to re-kindle anything.

Starting Over once in a While

Setiap beberapa bulan sekali, aku membuka kontak di ponsel dan menghapus kontak orang-orang yang sudah tak pernah lagi saling berhubungan. Bahkan, waktu aku berganti ponsel, aku juga nggak repot menyalin isi kontak yang ada di smartphone lama. Karena aku tahu, 95% dari kontak itu udah basi. Dan sisa 5%-nya? Kontak mereka sudah aku hafal di luar kepala.

Kadang-kadang ada rasa sedih, kangen, dan sayang. Kangen sama teman-teman di masa sekolah yang guyonannya lucu-lucu. Kangen sama temen kuliah yang dulu nemenin setiap makan siang. Kangen dengan tetangga depan rumah yang dulu sering main bola atau main PS bareng. Untuk setiap persahabatan yang memudar, setiap pertemanan yang berujung tak saling bicara, rasa kangen itu pasti akan ada. Muncul sesekali ketika asyik melamun atau melihat foto-foto lama.

Tapi aku juga tahu bahwa, kadang kita harus berpisah jalan dengan orang-orang dalam hidup ini. Setiap fase kehidupan akan mempertemukan kita dengan orang-orang yang berbeda.

Ada yang hilang, ada yang berganti, ada yang tetap tinggal dari tahun ke tahun.

Setidaknya, itulah yang terjadi di hidupku. Setelah kehilangan sahabat karib karena sakit mendadak, lalu aku dipertemukan dengan sahabat-sahabat baru di lingkungan kerja. Tentu saja, mereka bukan orang yang sama. Tapi, kehadiran mereka sedikit banyak ampuh mengurangi rasa kehilangan dan membuat tertawa.


It’s okay to part ways with some people. We have to let life turns thing around. Akan ada orang-orang yang tetap bertahan di hidup kita, dan ada yang tidak. Namun bagaimanapun, kita punya pilihan untuk memilih mana orang-orang yang ingin kita pertahankan, dan mana yang tidak. Lebih baik memiliki sedikit teman yang sangat bisa diandalkan, dibandingkan menjaga hubungan baik dengan semua orang hanya karena takut kehilangan. Ini adalah kutipan menarik yang selalu saya ingat, dari How I Met Your Mother:

You will be shocked kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.

So be clear. Who you want to surround yourself with? Get out from toxic friendship or relationship.

You don’t feel comfortable staying in touch with your ex? Cut them loose. Your “old friends” keep calling you out to hang out even though you don’t like them now? Well, hang up the phone and hang out with other people. Even if your sibling/aunt/uncle always mocks you or looks down on you, by all means, cut them loose.

It’s okay to prioritize yourself over other people. Who knows? Maybe in the next few years you will cross paths again with them.

But if you don’t? Well, that’s okay too.

Falencia Naoenz
falenciabiru@gmail.com
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