03 Mar Love Yourself, First
I’m gonna drop one bittersweet truth right at the very start.
No one cares about you more than they care about themselves.
Except, maybe.. your parents.
And I know it sounds harsh, but that’s the truth. You can have a thousand best friends and dozens family members but each one of us has our own battles. At the end of the day, you’ll end up with yourself. You’re the one who can change your life, do everything you wanna do, set your own goals. While your loved ones will cheer you up and support you, you’re the only one who can really make your dreams come true.
So I hope, you can learn to love yourself, first and foremost, before falling for anyone else.
I think it’s important because if you don’t, you’ll feel a tremendous insecurity creeping you up all night.
Be Comfortable with Your Own Skin
Let’s run through our daily lives, shall we? Who are we spending the most time with? Who are we talking the most with? The answer is: with ourselves! You wake up, you shower, and you talk to yourself about the schedule ahead of you. Along the way to the office, you keep thinking about some random stuffs:
“Hey, have you called A to catch up lately?”
“Oh my God, we do forget about that document we need to submit today”
“Say, what do we have for lunch?”
“Look, the traffic is so bad. It’s better to stay in the office all day”
“Do you think it’s gonna rain this evening?”
All the conversations in our heads, we create that. And I mean, if you cannot be best friend with yourself, life will suck!
First off, you need to be comfortable in your own skin. Embrace all those quirky habits, flaws, and strengths. Don’t wish to become someone else, or you’ll end up miserable for endlessly comparing yourself to another people’s standard. Let’s just make peace with ourselves and say, “Hey, at the end of the day, it’s just you and me. So might as well we become friends and take on this bitter life one chew at a time.”
I promise you, it will be a giant relief.
I used to hate myself for being shorter and fatter than the girls on the magazine. I always imagine, if I have that kind of physique, I will not be having a hard time picking out flattering clothes.
You see, I compare myself with another people’s standard. And that’s the beginning of why I will never feel enough. I will always take a look at someone else’s wealth, popularity, cars, homes, intelligence, luck, or spouse, and I will always be jealous.
Then I start learning to love myself more. That this is my life, my financial, my capability, my body. This is it. I’ll do everything to take care of it. But if that means I’ll never have a rocking body like Megan Fox, well that’s okay too! I feel pretty good already!
Show Others How to Love You
Do you remember that part from the movie/book The Perks of Being a Wallflower, when Sam said, “We take the love we think we deserve“?
That part truly sticks to my brain because, it’s so true. And it is the second reason why we have to love ourselves, so that we can show others how to love us.
I have seen so many kind, talented, wonderful human beings who have jerk-type boyfriend/girlfriend. Not because they like ‘bad boys’ or whatever, but I think it’s because they don’t feel they deserve better. People who don’t love themselves tend to stay longer in a toxic relationship because they care about other people more than they care about themselves. That’s why I say, you should always love yourself, first. So that when you have a boyfriend but he constantly degrades you, mocks you, or doesn’t think you’re worthy enough, then you’ll be determined enough to leave. That’s it, because you know you deserve better.
Take a look at it this way. You and yourself are best friends. When other people treats your best friend like shit, of course you’ll do anything to protect your best friend, right? You’ll be willing to get out of toxic relationships, you cut off some people from your life, and just, prioritize yourself so that you can finally be happy.
There’s No One but You
Once I found a quote that says “Life is a huge Do-It-Yourself (DIY) Project”, and I couldn’t agree more. If you’re being mean to yourself, if you hate being alone, if you crave to always be someone else’s company just because you hate yours, then who’s gonna take care of yourself?
Several years ago I was in relationship with a man who was very insecure about himself. He always talked bad about how he’s not worthy of anything in the world, how he was incapable of doing anything, and no matter what I said to him, it doesn’t change the way he saw himself. No matter how many praises and achievements that I showed to him, he still thought he didn’t deserve anything good in this world. It’s tiring, but also, very saddening. With cases like this, I cannot do anything for him, neither can his parents, friends, or anyone else. It has to come from his inner self. And until he can make peace with himself, then the spiraling can stop.
So, it is important to love yourself, first. Be comfortable with your own skin, with your own thoughts. Be happy with your own company. Be best friend with yourself.
Because no one else can do it for you.